Obama Updated Gettysburg Address: Parallel Universe Edition
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Thank you, thank you ...
Stand up ... Michelle ... Stand up ... Joe ... Bo
Thank you ...
Yno, awhile back, our Founding Persons, after eviscerating indigenous folk, brought forth upon this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and servitude and dedicated to the proposition that
all men, women and the transgendered are created equal in ability and IQ.
[pause for applause]
Now we are goin forward in a great civil war, legacy of a previous administration, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated–setting aside any bitter xenophobic Bible-thumping gun-clinging aspects--can long endure.
[pause for applause and cheers]
Thank you, thank you . . .
The fact of the matter is, if I had a son, he would look like Nat Turner.
We, whether nonwhite, gay, Muslim, Jew, atheist, agnostic, Buddhist, Wiccan, Santerían, Zoroastrian, bipolar or differently documented, are met on a great battlefield of that war that I inherited.
We have come to dedicate a portion of it, as a final resting place for those who died here, that a marvelously diverse porous-bordered multicultural Idea Nation might someday thrive.
[pause for wild applause and cheers]
Thank you, thank you . . .
This we may, in all propriety do.
But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate--we cannot consecrate--we cannot hallow, this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have hallowed it, far above most people’s poor power to
add or detract.
The world will little note, nor long remember . . .
And now for one brief moment to collect my thoughts . . .
loading . . . loading . . . prompter back online
Did I just say that out-loud?
As I was saying . . .
The World will little note, nor long remember what anyone else has said here, while it can never forget what I did here.
[pause for wild applause and deafening cheers]
Thank you, thank you . . .
It is rather for us, the living, to stand here, we here be dedicated to the great task remaining before us--that, from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here, gave the last full measure of devotion--that we here highly resolve these dead shall not have died in vain for a future vibrant Rainbow Nation.
Let me make one thing clear. That the coming of this more culturally, religiously, racially and genderly sensitive new normal shall mean the birth of a new nation of pc-reconfigured, surveillance-secured, drone-defended freedom–and diversity off the charts!
[pause for wild applause, deafening cheers and foot-stomping]
Yes, where Muslims, Mexicans, Jews, Cambodians, Filipinos, African Americans, Pygmies and refugees of every stripe and uppity crackers
[pause for laughter]
can harmoniously live side-by-side.
In other words–we got rhythm!
[pause for wild applause, deafening cheers, foot-stomping, head-banging, fainting, speaking in tongues, whirling dervishes, screaming climaxes, scattered spontaneous combustion, unrolling of Muslim prayer mats, mariachi music, a rip in the space-time continuum, festive black flash mobs and ambulance responses]
And that this future of an ever more multitudinous, paved-over and affirmatively actioned nation of migrants, by migrants and for migrants and disadvantaged people of color shall not perish from this globe!
[optional stripping to waist and diving into adoring worshipful stage-side media mosh pit]
--tma_sierrahills
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